The past few days i feel like i have nothing left to "say". Like i'm done saying all i'll ever say. i'm not sure that it is ("will be") always this way
I find it impossible to talk about "the future" because i know it does not exist. only in our minds. even, the planning aspect of "future" seems unnecessary

i have "found" through my experience that the more i try and try to accomplish something, the less gets "accomplished"... be it 'earning' money or making an art piece or having dinner "on time".

For example, at my Etsy shop: There is not a distinguishable pattern as to 'how' and 'when' someone finds you and what you have that they will purchase... there is definitely a seemingly random-like flow to this endeavor. When i let it "play by itself" it seems to make connections and have fun.

In my current state i am never bored; i no longer experience boredom. I no longer long for a future state in which i will have worked everything out and then "I can begin my life"

I resent NOTHING in my life, of my life situation.
Grace opens you to just THIS, All there Ever IS


All fears culminate in
the fear of death

When You Are
Living in the Field of Now
All fear is Re-leased.
The fear of death, lifted off, releases You from all fears


The Diamond in My Drawer

Many years ago I found a clear rectangular gem near the place where I worked. (this was my all-time favorite job because of the people I "worked" with and the nature of the 'business')
I put it in my pocket. I assumed it was a piece of glass or (at best) a cubic zirconia (I was a little familiar with these synthetic "diamonds" due to another job I'd held, going back a few years... before "Europe"(September 1980 to November 1981). This "gem" didn't, really, look as "good" as one of those fakes.

Anyway, the collector that I was saved it among some other "precious" stones and jewelry components in a tiny Chinese silk embroidered box for approximately 22 years. (I recall that Time Stands Still was featured at the Nickelodeon Cinema, 1983, I remember.)

Occasionally, over those years, I looked at the contents of that box. Usually, while looking at it, I wondered what it truly was; but I was never motivated to find out. "Just a piece of glass!" And for several years prior to 2005, I never looked at it or thought about it. It sat, quietly, waiting in my drawer.

So, around 2000, I can look "back" and See that my "waking up" process was, in a sense, "beginning"... in 2004 I was on the "horizon" of it. And in the summer of 2005, I read The Diamond in Your Pocket: Discovering Your True Radiance by Gangaji... I could not put it down, I breezed through it! (Eventually, introduced by this book to Eckhart Tolle who wrote the foreword). Friends that I suggested read the book "literally" could not read it! Much like those who can and those who cannot read Eckhart. (It is not a judgment, it is a reflection of one's readiness for this (a-HA!))

The year 2000 was not my 1st introduction to matters of the "spirit" but all previous endeavors related to a "spiritual search" had been encapsulated in a feeling that that
part of my early "life" had been almost like having a different lifetime within this lifetime! I had moved on to raising a family... little did I know how much they were "raising" me too!

So, in 2005, I had a breakthrough into "Space Consciousness" which was tied-In to re-Connecting with a Friend that I had met in Europe in October 1981. The interesting thing is this: I did not know why I was compelled to look for him because at the time of our 1st encounter I had dropped him like a "hot potato"! I knew him for 8 days and then fled "in fear" of him... for my "life" due to a deep distrust of the "Other" and a "woundedness" from most human relationships; I sensed, perhaps a "neediness" in him that reflected my own, thus my survival mechanism kicked into high gear. It is like the way most humans function on a daily basis: they live with a "false" sense of fear in everyday interactions and the result is an abundance of stress.

Anyway, I cannot go into All the details here of this Awakening process but suffice it to say that what I experienced was misinterpreted by my husband and friends. I know that they could not help having their interpretations, "they know not what they do".

After the initial shock for my husband, he was willing, for a brief period, to try to understand what was happening. He went with me to visit my guide to get further clarification on what I was experiencing but his own pain from this and the deeper pain within him was too much to "handle". I remember, on that day, that he was willing to help me find a way to go to Sweden to meet with Arne. Strangely, on our ride in the car back home from this meeting with my guide, I thought about that piece of glass in my drawer and thought: It must be a diamond!!
Really... I had this thought come to me!

So, when I returned home I rummaged through my drawer and found the piece of cut glass! "Maybe it truly is a diamond! "This will give me the money I need to travel to Stockholm!" I took that "stone" to a jeweler to test it, the next day. They made a test on it...they were 98% sure that it was a Diamond!! But they would have to have their expert diamond appraiser examine it for its worth, etc. I left it there... I was flying 20 feet off the ground! How could this be?!! It had never looked very sparkly or colorful until I saw it at the jeweler's..."under the Light".

Synchronistically, the weaving of the content of Gangaji's book with this "magical, mystery tour" in my life hit me over the head, brought me full force, full circle In To my LIFE! I have (had) many of these co-incidences throughout my life that Serve(d) to wake me up.

You can think any thought about my life as You wish but No thought about it can take this knowing away from Life. You can't make me live less Life. You can't remove Love, All there Is. We don't "need" it, We Are It. It's been in Your pocket, all along, You just couldn't See It.


Lifting the Veil

sometimes my life situation tries to draw me back:
behind the veil
I pick up my Copper Wire Knitting
Or listen/read a few "words" from Eckhart Tolle...
Byron Katie
Osho, perhaps...Nisargadatta}
(i, actually, don't "read" Gangaji, anymore because it Is She who helped me get the ball rolling; her Play, "The Diamond in Your Pocket" resides deep in the Heart of)
...the Veil Is Lifted


("my") mission is: Being the Awareness of Love...Universal Love
...through wire + fibers + found objects(etc) that Are knit into sculptural Open Vessels

transmutation light vessels

I have to say that I rarely give much "thought" to the pieces that manifest themselves before my Eye(s) and in my hands

What happens is this: Intuitively an "idea" or "thought" arises after the piece has been created and (sometimes) I live with the form for awhile... literally the idea Comes to me, through me

I reCall having different "thoughts", in mind, before a piece takes shape...
but I never intentionally create according to "thoughts"; You can say that the form that is manifested from the Intuition Is intentional, and completely spontaneous!

So, this is what happens:
I knit in an automatic fashion (as most knitters, except those who follow a pattern) making changes to the stitches as I go, "randomly" so to speak

And when I shape the final form the essence inherent in it comes out, "appears" Naturally.

"my art" springs forth, bubbles up, arises from the Heart-mind
Where I Am at the Center in my creativity
The non brow spiritual Essence of this bridge between hand and Heart is the most "Mundane" and Miraculous in combination, in concert, in unity, in One
Unnamed, Unknown


i can't tell anyone what to do
what to think
what to say
what to feel.
when you restrict a Child,
in any manner (except immediate safety)
they will respond by ultimately doing the action anyway
either compulsively,
or in rebellion to the restriction... in secret

Their inner compass directs them
not you or i.
They will go toward pleasure,
not pain,
every time


A Response

I don't think most people know that they are pretending... when you talk about this it implies a conscious "effort" to portray the aspects you talk of. People are unconscious of the way they "act". In other words, I say that the act of "thinking" is the basis of the pretense. It is just that one cannot do anything to stop pretending. We don't know what, how or why a person "wakes up to reality" and another does not. I sense it is a matter of evolution.