1/29/09

Where do completely "random" memories come from? And why do they enter our awareness at that moment? The other day I suddenly remembered and thought (and saw with the "mind's eye") about driving on a road, that I have rarely been on, in the area of my hometown. It just popped in and stayed for awhile with vivid detail, as if I had been on that same drive yesterday. But I know the time I, actually, had taken this road was, perhaps, around 8 years ago.

And then there are the synchronicities (big and small?) that, I know, occur all the time but our awareness of them has often been obscured. Or we chalk them up to being just coincidences. Co-Incident. Yesterday, I was watching the Cash Cab, a trivia game show that takes place in a NYC cab. One of the questions was asking for the "media dubbed" name of a serial killer in NY in 1985 (I thought he said "in NY" but realize I "heard" that because this killer had been in California); what came to my mind was Son of Sam. (I said it 'out loud', my daughter was in the room; the answer was: the Night Stalker) A little later I was 1/2 watching an old, November 1993, episode of Seinfeld when the character Kramer says, "Son of Sam." In this episode, Elaine is dating a guy with the name Joel Rifkin (the name of a NY serial killer, caught in 1993). Everywhere he goes his name creates an uneasiness in people. Therefore, Elaine talks to him about popular names she likes without actually suggesting that he change his name (later in the episode he realizes, himself ,that it would be better if he changed his name). She mentions popular names of football players; first she says "Dion" and then she says "OJ" (a few months later in 1994 this name would be associated with murder). To me this was a complex "synch" combined with "retro-irony"!


Living in the Now heightens Your perception. "Things" that had been invisible to You before are now clearly in View. For example: the utter beauty of Nature.

1/27/09




Being aware of the transformation is sometimes like being in a constant 'catch-22' scenario. The things that matter the "most" to you, matter the "least" to another person. You're done with struggle but others constantly remind you that you are not struggling and need to do so, immediately! You question the flow, at times, because the entire world is telling you to question. You are a minnow in a giant ocean trying to beat the current. It is time to ride the waves. What can happen? You can die. So what? Isn't that the "worst" that can happen, really? And how do we know if that is "bad"? Give up the struggle and see what happens. Why not? You cannot "control" ANY "outcome". YES!

1/24/09




It can sound strange to say: "this is the end of a personalized sense of self." But once you realize it, It will make "complete" sense. It is more like the completion of the self but at the same time you know there was never, truly a real "self"..."to begin with."

We have diversity and sameness, both. We have infinity and oneness, both.

We have been "masters" at limitation; we are "servants" of limitlessness.

1/23/09

There is nothing "nice" in "my" life right now. And, at the same time, it is infinitely beautiful.


This body has illness, it has no money coming in from its own "efforts", it has very few friends who can "understand" this body's situation (not said in judgement, just the way it is...it is not "their" fault, no one is to "blame")


This is Universal Love

"Loving What Is"

Because We Exist in the Field of Now

Arguing with What Is never changes It; Stop arguing with What Is changes Everything
I'm "desperate" for someone (else) to talk with about the transformation. The funny thing... is that I can get this urge and then it dissipates rather quickly. A long glance out the window, a pause to watch a breath, a realization that this moment is as it is. There is a paradoxical reality to waking up. On the one hand it has the appearance of "happening" over time; on the other hand We know it happens "in the field" of Now.

In the "old world" we create false burdens for one another. Mostly the stress that we create for ourselves is just an idea. But the funny thing is: to change the idea doesn't always work because the stressful idea will pop back in, without having thought about it. Without intending for it to show up, it gets re-cycled endlessly.

So, what can You do? Pause.

1/22/09

Stuff


So, what to do with all these objects? I realized whether I "throw" things away or keep them they will not leave the planet any time soon. But, I cannot throw something away that someone else could use.

I'm not concerned about the "organic materials": rocks, shells, dried mushrooms, bark, sticks, leaves, feathers, etc. They can take care of themselves. (I wonder if anyone has returned shells to a beach where they would not naturally be found?)


I once found a pebble on a beach, outside Rome, with a star drawn on it with pencil. Of course, I still have it!
It is wrapped in a piece of paper with the name of the location where I found it. And it sits in the matchbox where I have kept it for, nearly, 28 years. I remember the day that I found it: the carabinieri stopped us on our motorcycles because we were young; and being young meant you were under suspicion of being terrorists (in this time of the Red Brigade). This same day, the reigning pope had been shot.

I have tons of artwork. Books. Fabric. Beads...

I'm planning some kind of systematic give-away.

1/21/09

When I talk about "living in this body" I don't mean that I have necessarily lived in another body in a "previous" lifetime. But I do sense that I have been re-incarnated while in this body in this lifetime ( as we understand "lifetime" to mean the beginning, middle and end of the form of the
body).

It is plausible that we could inhabit different bodies in different lifetimes but the paradox is that I will not do so as "Doreen". Nor, will I again be "separate" from the Oneness, the "One" Consciousness. Because I Am not separate from that Now.

1/16/09

I have lived in this body for nearly 53 years. I have, at least, 50 years of objects in my house. Objects that I am fond of. Objects that stand for symbols of the life I have lived. An artistic life. A life of observation. A life of treasure collecting. Experiencing the treasure within.